1. I have to be honest, I'm not a huge fan of dental humor. Do you think that makes me an anti-Dentite?
2. So what you're telling me is that I don't have to pray the other six days?
3. Yes, the thought of soiled diapers, and the idea of changing them, makes me feel all mystical inside.
4. …because Facebook friendship is the perfect analogy for divine love
6. My "efil" is just fine, thank you! It's everything else that seems out of kilter...
7. Wasn't Yoda the first to say this?
8. So what you're telling me is that the devil is like the sun, and that the Son is like a bottle of Copper-tone?
9. Finally, a cogent defense of the "missionary position"!
10. Just give me the free trip, save the details...
11. How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced (drum roll)? A buck an ear!
12. Good, because I really don't want to have to have a "face to face" right now...
13. I know it's not really a pun… but it should be.
14. When it comes to encouraging church attendance, few tactics are more effective than those involving malodorous smells
16. OK, I get the simile, but what's the point?
18. Confucius say...
19. No shizzle?
20. Woah… Did you know that if you play this message backwards it makes the devil sound generous; "The devil's treat is no trick". Goosebumps!
21. Does exposure to "souler energy" result in a phenomena called "soul glow"?
23. Unless this church is the Church of Satan, I find it strange that this positive injunction begins with a warning...
24. Did I miss something here? Isn't "Potter" supposed to be Harry's last name, rather than his occupation? Those darn Biblical literalists... always taking things so figuratively!
26. You scream, I scream, we all scream for church???
27. Tortured church sign logic: Coke is the "real thing". Jesus Christ is like Coke (which I suppose proves that he is the real thing). Therefore, come to church so that you can worship Coke and/or Jesus Christ (whichever you prefer)… because apparently these two things are practically the same.
29. OK, so I threw in a synagogue!
30. Calvin Broadus -------> Snoop Dogg ----------> Snoop Lion ---------> Snoop Evangelical?
31. Because cheap beer and the blood of Christ really do have a lot in common???
32. Definitely the Latin Mass crowd
33. For those who claim that puns are the lowest form of humor, this may be the best argument...
34. My own personal math: 1 Cross + 3 Nails - 5 for Fighting = 4 Given
35. A popular meme, within a church sign, within an embarrassing attempt to be relevant… Erfal!
36. Pat, I think I would like to solve this puzzle...
37. Oh no, I hope heaven is nothing like MySpace, for if it is, then there's probably no one there...
38. (how the sign should finish) …with sex, music, dancin', and all that other devilly stuff
39. Uh, I think that's part of the problem already...
41. Thus spake the rapper Chamillionaire...
42. Did God divorce my mother?
43. So does that mean that Satan is a slide ruler?
44. Yeah, but only if I move there! Duh.
45. I'm sorry I have real trust issues with meteorologists
46. Okay kay.
47. Stop worrying so much about my "wrinkly burdens", and get thee to a speech therapist
48. A sign guaranteed to bring people to church for all the right reasons...
49. A billboard absolutely reeking of desperation. So tell me, where do I sign up?
50. Wait a second Lutheran church, since when did you start promoting works' righteousness?
51. Now that's a stinging critique. How about this one? The opportunity to have a "fourth marriage" would be largely inconceivable without the help of King Henry VIII. Thank you Episcopal Church.